LAST OPEN MATS (FOR NOW)

It’s 5.50pm and open mats has been over for almost an hour. Everyone went home and I was outside KDT chatting with Tommy and Fidael for a while. They have just left and I’m sitting alone typing in my Macbook.

It’s hard to believe that 3 years of my life have passed, just like that. 3 whole years. All I can think of are various random memories of my time here. It’s all quite literally flashing before my eyes. No, seriously, when I look through the windows I can almost see myself training.

There, by the windows, where I got choked unconscious for the first time. Over there, next to the wall, where I had a bad fall (my collarbone has been slightly misaligned ever since). Here by the door, where Adam personally cooked and fed me a 10-course meal’s worth of body shots. Right in the middle of the room, where Vince let, I say LET, me tap him.

I remember my first core strength class here. I remember the first time I met John Will. I remember getting my blue belt. I remember training for competitions. I remember birthdays, promotions, and talking loads of nonsense while drinking can after can of 100 Plus.

My kettlebells are where I usually keep them, chained up by the wall with the other privately owned kettlebells. I think I’ll leave them there for a little while. Just the thought of taking them out of the gym is making my eyes mercilessly well up.

I’m just amazed I made it through this open mats session, never mind the annual gym dinner last night, without crying. I’m trying really hard to think of ways to describe how I feel, but all the analogies I can come up with are all massively inappropriate in some way.

When I move I’ll be leaving a huge part of myself behind. My chest feels kind of – I don’t know – ‘hollow’ is the first word into my head.

Since I have no idea how to properly end this post, I guess that will have to be that.